Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
