You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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