i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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