Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
