They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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