dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
