The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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