I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
