3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
