I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Green mimosas i think yes
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
