Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
