we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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