I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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