I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
