I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
