I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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