My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
