I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
