I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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