Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
