She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
