So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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