i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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