you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize