Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
