jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
