All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
