and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
