Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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