I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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