We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
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She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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