And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
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Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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