am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I look better un-naked...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They have beer where we have blood.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
