she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
