She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
last night I used snow as a chaser
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
