he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize