Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
