we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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