i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
