wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
A bitchslap is in order.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
