I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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