dude i'm inner monologue high
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
