a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
