So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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