I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
