She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
