The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
