did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
