I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
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Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
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First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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