did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
