so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
