Too much gin, very little bucket
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize
