ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
