I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
