It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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