ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this beer tastes like vomit already
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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