I'm passing your future prison.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
