Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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