Buhtt sex?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
