just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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