my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
