So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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