U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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