on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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