I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
