Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
